How To Find Malaysian Airlines Flight 370

With the search for MH370 reaching into its 40th day, hope seems to have turned to despair as the enormity of the task of retrieving any remains becomes clear.

Some 4km below the surface, it is suggested that the plane and its unfortunate passengers lie. It is now up to the deep sea submersible to attempt to find any remains, however even that it becoming difficult as its maximum operating depth is just above the Indian ocean floor.

However, it might not be science that will find the answers.

Have you ever heard of Tiddalik the Frog? No? Well, you’re an idiot and didn’t pay attention in Year 3 when we all learnt about the Dreamtime, the Aboriginal’s mythological belief system, i.e. real history of real occurrences.

Because Fuck YouIn this particular story, Tiddalik awoke one morning with an unquenchable thirst, and began to drink until all the earth’s water was greedily consumed. Creatures and plant life everywhere began to die due to lack of moisture. Suffice to say, this wasn’t a good time for being alive. But I said it anyway.
Anyway,some animals conspired against Tiddalik, probs because they weren’t enjoying this new ‘waterless’ world and devised a plan for him to release all of the water he had consumed. This was successfully coordinated by a wise old Wombat, when his mate Nabunum the eel made Tiddalik laugh when he tied himself in comical shapes. As Tiddalik laughed, the water rushed out of him to replenish the lakes, swamps and rivers.

My proposal is to employ Tiddalik on a contractual arrangement to drain the Indian Ocean … “the other oceans would just flow into it” I hear you interrupt.

Ok then fine, drain all the oceans. “That’s more like it”.

Good. So drain the world’s oceans and then voi-fucking-la, there’s the plane, sitting down at the bottom of the ocean. Simple as that.

During this ‘Ocean-Free’ time, we could really go for gold and offer some Titanic Tours, and install tunnels and everything.

Then when everyone’s given fair warning, amuse Tiddalik with the eel’s aforementioned shape-shifting, and we’re all done.

Plane found. Mystery solved. Back to normality. Get out of my face.