7 is not a number

A new ruling handed down by the Numerical Society states that 7 – that number we’ve all come to know and love – is no longer a number, but a magical idea.






In scenes reminscent to Pluto losing its planet status, 7 has been given its marching orders, and has just several weeks to pack its bags and leave the numerical system.

Miss Tutu Forte

Miss Tutu Forte

President of the Numerical Society Miss Tutu Forte has stated that “the number 7 has for far too long held this superiority complex, this notion of being something more than just a number. Well, this will learn it.




Legitimate graph

Legitimate graph of 7’s rise to the top 

As you can see from this perfectly legitimate graph that the NS have provided, 7’s popularity had risen to god-like status. And as a result, something had to be done.



When asked how the number system will now be structured Forte for a moment looked puzzled, then angry, then more puzzled, then she finally answered ‘We will skip this number altogether – counting now just goes from 6 to 8‘.

What this means for the decimal system could had far reaching implications. The ruling states that anything previously using this number has to change it to 6 – this now means there’s 6 days a week – but the report doesn’t go into more detail about which day we’ve now culled, and how that’s going to work.

Presumably this also means the generally unpopular drink 7-Up becomes 6-Up, the convenience chain 7-11 becomes 6-11 and Ian Fleming’s famed 007 becomes 006 – a different agent altogether.

Hounded by further questions as to the logistics of this new law, Forte simply replied I’ve got your number… and I’m not giving it back.